I'm spending time with an amazing friend tonight. In the big picture we only have hours left together. Watching a movie about real reactions to the perceptions other people have about you, and it makes me think. And we're talking about life. About choices. About how having all your ducks lined up in a row just gives you a big duck. Talking about keeping the creative side of you alive, and needing that outlet. I'm attracted to her, but its different. Different than anything I've ever felt before. No, not that 'man, this is different I can see myself with this person' kind of different, or the 'shes just so different than all the other girls' sort of different. I don't really... know how to handle the different, and for the first time in my life I'm not able to put in words how she makes me feel.. My mind literally draws blanks, but at the same time I feel open... I feel human again.... So real, and honest. So I am myself. The real Rob. I can connect with this person on an almost spiritual level when it comes to music, art, and self expression. Not many people see the side of Rob that I hope they can see, but this one? she can read me like a book. And what if she didn't have a boyfriend? Who knows... What if we met under different circumstances? No one could truly say. But I want to know. Has this person affected me? or has she effected me?
I think, that along with the rest of society, I spent the majority of my thoughts pondering 'what if.' Not that I have any regrets... I've made my mistakes but I've learned from (most of) them. I just feel like there are so many different roads my life could have gone, and wondering what sort of person I would be today if I had made different decisions. Would I be laying on a bed in Iraq deep in thought right now? Or would I be at the park playing with my daughter? Would I have a daughter? I don't want to think about my life without her so I'm going to stop thinking about what if for now.
Our decisions define who we are, and who we interact with affects our decisions.
I think, that along with the rest of society, I spent the majority of my thoughts pondering 'what if.' Not that I have any regrets... I've made my mistakes but I've learned from (most of) them. I just feel like there are so many different roads my life could have gone, and wondering what sort of person I would be today if I had made different decisions. Would I be laying on a bed in Iraq deep in thought right now? Or would I be at the park playing with my daughter? Would I have a daughter? I don't want to think about my life without her so I'm going to stop thinking about what if for now.
Our decisions define who we are, and who we interact with affects our decisions.
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